The Life of Jar Jar Binks

Diary Entries From Quest: Entry Two

2005-11-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

Entry Two (sa)
January 21
Tatooine Airlines Airplane

Dear Diary,
Listen to dis. Mesa board da planesa right? So wesa take off, and everythingsa fine. But den mesa start to feel hungry. So mesa ask a flight attendant if mesa could get a snack. Da flight attendant saidsa "Sure". So shesa come back with peanuts. Mesa say thank yousa, and mesa open da peanuts. Next to mesa, der is a wookie. Hesa start coughing. Mesa shrug and startsa eating. Hesa start coughing up relaly badsa. Mesa ask himsa if hesa okay. Hesa roars, sayingsa "yes". So he stops, mesa startsa eating again. Den, 5 minutes later, hesa suddenly coughsa HUGE hairballsa. Da hairball was wet and stickysa, and it gotsa on mesa clothes! On mesa FINE suit!

So it turnsa out he was allergicsa to peanuts. And now hesa suing ME becausesa mesa ordered peanuts and atesa dem infront of him.

He mustsa be from New York.

Diary Entries from Quest: Entry One

2005-11-02T16:56:00.000-08:00

Mesa decided mesa wants to show yousa guys mesa diary entries from mesa quest to wisen mesa up. So every nightsa mesa going to post onesa entry.

Entry One(sa)
January 20
Location: Mos Eisley Marriot

Dear diary,
Since da village back homesa sponsored mesa trip, mesa got a nicesa room in the Marriott. Mesa decided to look around the townsa, study da culturesa, etc. So once mesa had mesa room setup, mesa went outsidesa. First offsa, if you do not knowsa, Tatooine supa hot. Even in Januarysa. So mesa went straight to da pharamacysa. Da first problem wit da pharmacy is da all of the cashiersa are Jawas. All JawaJuice's cousinsa. So mesa got to da sunblock section, get 2 bottlesa, and go to da cash registersa. I saysa "I wantsa to buy dis".

"Cooupani!?"
"No, no coupansa, sunblock!"
"Ootini discout card! Dink ootoni!"
"No, mesa no have discout cardsa."
"Halloweeni candee? 50 percenti savee!"
"NO. Mesa NO WANT discount on mesa halloween candysa. MESA WANT SUNSCREEN."
"Oooooooooh. Heheetehee. You in late teens? Acne-pads!"
"Nosa, SUNSCREEN! No 'late teens'."
"Golean? You skinny!"
"No. Sunscreen. SUNSCREEN. SUNSCREEN!"
By this timesa a fewsa people were watchingsa. They weresa tourist, mesa thinks. They think mesa a tourist attractionsa. Theysa takes out der cameras, and flashy flashy! Mesa very angry nowsa.
"Oh. Okay. Sunscreen. That'll be 56 credits."
"Oh, so NOWSA yousa speak english."
"Yeah. Sorry about that. But the tourist department pays us to speak like that. Apparently off-planet visitors find it 'cute'. I don't think they would find it 'cute' if they found out that we were really cursing them out when we say all of those weird words."
"Oh, mesa understand nowsa. Heresa da credits."
"Thanks. Have a nice day"
"You toosa".

Halloween is scarysa on Naboo

2005-11-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

Halloween is supa scarysa on Halloweensa. Very verysa scary.

Onesa gungan dressed upsa as "Chlorine" in da swamp. Another dressed up as "Subulba" (mesa got supa scared at dat onesa). Der was alsoa a kid dressed upsa as "invasive aquatic plants". Hesa nearly got kickedsa out of the swampsa!

What happenedsa at yoursa placesa?

Mesa backsa and mad

2005-10-30T08:20:00.000-08:00

Discriminationsa. I knowsa like da discrimnation against da gungans. Mesa backsa from mesa quest. Mesa went from Tatooine to Dathomir to wisen mesa up. And mesa no like itsa. All of da peoplesa hatesa mesa! They say "Yousa Gungan, nosa come dis resturant!" when mesa hungry. So mesa hadsa to find a pondsa to eat from. Mesa sad. Dis no good. So mesa decidesa wesa need to stop this.

I needsa help from anyonesa possible. mesa starting a "Stop The Racism Against Gungs" movementsa, or "STRAG"

Okay, so mesa beggining mesa quest.

2005-09-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

Helooooooooooosa! Mesa begginning mesa quest! Mesa todaysa pack mesa bags, got on mesa speeder, and went to the outfitters storesa! Der mesa got a bombad mini-boomer-gun, a paramilitary cloak, and gogglesa. Mesa den goe to Tatooine where mesa gonna raise an army to destroysa the factory in mesa village. Remembersa! Soooooooooo anywaysa whe mesa got to Tatooine, via Galactic Shuttle Agency (very very rudesa customer service people) mesa got tosa Tatooine. Mos Eisley. So mesa walk up to a bombad-lookingsa Human withsa a big gun a mesa say "Yo, whats upsa dawg!?" (dats how dey speak der) and hesa go "Shut up," Mesa tink Mesa need to practice being meeeeaaaan. So mesa take mesa boomer-gun and shoot him. den mesa turn to see 3 bombad policemen. Blech. Mesa shoot dem too. Den mesa knock someone off dersa speeder, and take da speeder. Heheheheee, mesa no longer Mr. Nice Gungan. So now da scene looksa like disa (a photo that mesa stole fromsa a dude taking a picturesa at thatsa second. Heresa it is:

Mesa band's first music videosa!

2005-08-28T04:07:00.000-07:00

Mesa insa a rock band calledsa "Jar Jar and da Bombads" dat mesa started, and yesterday, wesa made oursa first music videosa. The song isa called "Hangin by the Swamp". Anywaysa, before mesa show dis to yousa, mesa want to say dat dis hasa no sound, because wesa not completely done yetsa. But it willsa have sound soon:

http://img244.imageshack.us/my.php?image=gungan2jz.swf

Enjoysa

-Jar Jar

Obi-Wan's Time Machine

2005-08-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, disa is cool. Mesa in da future! See da date of dis post! Mesa in da future! Mesa took Obi's time machine and mesa press buton, and now mesa am watching a basketballsa gamesa between the Gungans and the Naboo atsa Swamp Stadium! And mesa posting withsa a laptop thatsa comes outsa 2 weeksa from when you guysa are! Dis is so cool! By the waysa, Podrace Championship was wonsa bysa Hoog Ba, if yousa want to makesa a betsa onsa dat. ;)
Anywaysa, mesa found out mesa gonna crash tomorrow insa you guys time so mesa not gonna go driving tomorrowsa. Um...Whatsa elsesa, A new model lightsabersa is comin out, so Yoda, start savingsa up. Umsa, uh-oh, heresa come security. Better lea-

ATTENTION ALL STAR-WARS BLOGGERS

2005-08-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

Mesa needsa yoursa helpsa!

Mesa angry. Mesa village is poor, mesa know dat, but nowsa they are sellingsa swamp-front propertysa to Coruscant Pollution Control & Co (CPCC). CPCC isa planning to build factorysa to dump toxic wastesa from Coruscantsa in mesa SWAMP!!!! NOOOOOOSA. Dats why mesa raising an army to torch da factorysa once it isa builtsa. So, I needsa allsa da Star Warsa peoplesa mesa cansa to come withsa mesa! Sith and Jedisa alikesa! Pleasesa, comesa, mesa no wantsa my swampsa to turn to thisa:

OR DO YOUSA?!

2005-08-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

Back in Black!
Mesa hit the sack
I been too longsa
Mesa glad to be back
Yes, Mesa deadsa loose
fromsa the noose that's kept mesa hangingsa aroundsa.
I'm just, uh, livin'sa on the sidesa 'cause it's gettin' me highsa,
forget the hearse cause mesa never die.
Mesa got nine lives, cat's eyesa,
each and evry onesa of themsa is wondrin whysa,
cause I'm backsa!Yes, I'm backsa!
Mama, I'm Backsa!Yes, I'm backsa!
Well, I'm backsa, backsa.
Well, I'm backsa in blacksa, yes I'm back in blacksa! Ow!
Back in the thingsa,
I drive a Cadillacsa,mama,
one with a bullitsa,
I'm a powersa pack.
Yes, I'm in a bandsa,with a gangsa,
they've got to catchsa mesa ifsa theysa want me to hang,
cause I'm backsa on the tracsak and I'msa beatinsa the foxsa,
nobody's gonnasa get me onsa another rapsa.
So looksa at mesa now, I'm jusst,
uh, makin' mysa bread,
don't try to pushsa yoursa lucksa, just get out of my waycause I'm back!
Yes, I'm back!
Well, I'm back!Yes, I'm back!
Well, I'm backsa, back.sa
Well, I'm back in blacksa, yes, I'm back in blacksa.
(solo)
Well, I'm backsa!Yes, I'm backsa!Well, I'm backsa!Yes, I'm backsa!Well, I'm backsa, backsa.Well, I'm back in black, yes, I'm back in black.
(solo)
Well, I'm back, back,Back, back, back, back,Back in black, yes, I'm back in black.
(solo & fade)

Yodasa onsa security tapesa!

2005-06-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

Dis is what mesa findsa in da "Dagobah Homeland Security Archives":

http://www.flashplayer.com/animation/jeditraining.html

andsa this

http://www.flashplayer.com/animation/jediduels.html

Mesa findsa Yodasa hilariousa!

Michael Jackson reality showsa to besa filmed in mesa village

2005-06-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

Mesa nosa happysa. At allsa. Because Michael Jackson's TV seriesa isa to be filmedsa in mesa village. Hmph. Not goodsa. Hesa going to filmsa itsa heresa, when hesa come heresa for vacationsa. Heresa is da location:

Rightsa nextsa to da golf coursa dis isa. Notsa goodsa. Mesa nosa wantsa sickosa in mesa swampsa. Mesa gonne use disa on him:

Mesa bodyguardsa, andsa petsa squirrel

Olympicsa in mesa villagesa

2005-06-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

hisa againsa!

Da olympicsa comesa to mesa villagesa! Dis is awesomesa! Mesa in da swimming olympicsa! Mesa gonna kick da wookie team's butsa! Da gungans are da besta swimmers in da olympicsa. Heresa are da teamsa:

Da "Crashing Clone Troopers"

Da "Wild Wookies"

Da "Imperial Empire"

Da "Nasty Naboo"

Da "Coruscant Crusaders"

Da "Camino Cloners"

Da "Talented Tatooinians"

And a fewsa others.

Rock Star comesa to playsa in mesa village.

2005-06-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

Somesa rock star comesa to playsa at mesa villagesa last nightsa. Hesa hadsa long hairsa. I wishsa mesa hadsa long hairsa likesa dats. Mabye mesa writesa coolio songsa. So mesa gosa to da Barber shopsa to getsa my hairsa donesa andsa asked forsa longsa hair. Dis is whatsa Isa look likesa nowsa:

Obi Wan Kenobi likesa mesa nowsa! Hesa nosa usesa da forcesa anymoresa. Now mesa happysa.
Nextsa mesa get nice rock guitarsa!

ATTENTION LITTLE ANNIE

2005-06-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

ATTENTIONSA ANNIE:

Dosa notsa surfsa insa mesa swampy! Mesa swampy not forsa surfingsa! Nosa! Mesa swampysa not forsa wakeboardingsa, waterskiingsa, scuba divingsa, OR surfingsa! NO NO NO! Gosa to da beachsa ifsa you wantsa to dosa deese tings. Notsa on mysa swamp. Dis makesa mesa mad mad mad. Oh andsa by da waysa, Padme` isa supa uglysa

Mesa tounge isa fine!

2005-06-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

Hisa againsa-
Firstsa offsa, mesa sorrysa dat mesa no postsa forsa da lasta fewsa days. Mesa in Arubasa. Having a vacationsa. Anywaysa, yousa no needsa to knowsa whatsa happenedsa der. When mesa in Arubsa, mesa talksa to da hotelsa clerksa once. When mesa ask him wheresa da bathroomsa hesa look at mesa and saysa "Isa yoursa toungue feelingsa okaysa?"
I saysa "Yesha, whatsa da matter wif itsa?" He saysa itsa looksa and soundsa funny. Mesa insultedsa! Mesa ransa to da airportsa and flysa straight tosa mysa swampy. Butsa, mesa stillsa tinkingsa. Is der sumfingsa wrongsa withsa my tounguesa?:

Mesa makesa Cingular commercialsa

2005-06-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

Hisa againsa!
Mesa wentsa skiingsa on Hoth todaysa. Dersa a bigsa ski resort on Hoth! Mesa gosa der with R2D2. Hesa reallysa goodsa skier. Anywaysa, when mesa on da skisa liftsa, and wesa coming to the top of da mountainsa, R2 saysa, "Raise da barsa!" and disa remind me of da Cingular commercialsa. So mesa tinksa of commercialsa for Cingular. Dersa a gooongan on a ski lift andsa when hesa getsa to the topsa he nosa raise da barsa. But densa a cingular phonesa gets onsa and hesa raise da bar. Den it saysa, "Cingular, raising(sa) the(da) bar(sa)"

Mesa visit Coruscant

2005-06-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hisa againsa!
Mesa visitsa Coruscant todaysa!
Mesa went tosa da planetsa Coruscant to seesa da big buildings. Dis kinda like da tripsa to Tatooineeee to visitsa Annie. Dis tima, I sitsa in sumbodysa's soooooup! Hesa pick mesa upa by de neck and saysa su "Yo(sa), what you(sa) doin(sa) in my(mesa) soup(sa), dawg?!(eesa)" Sosa I sa saysa "Mesa sorrysa, sirsa, but mesa notsa a dawgsa. Whatsa dawgsa?" Da nextsa ting I knowsa, mesa in da Coruscant hospitalsa bed. Mesa allsa better nowsa doe. Mesa no goingsa to Coruscantsa againsa do.

So, mesa move into mesa new home!

2005-06-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

Hisa!
So mesa knowsa dat da goongans nosa like mesa. Da goonguns don'tsa want mesa in da beeeeeg city, so mesa buy a new housesa! Itsa by da "pool". Da real estatesa people saysa dat da pool justa lika da swampa. Noperz. See, in da pool, theresa sumthing calledsa, "chlorine". Chlorine makesa my eyesa red! And dey itchies toosa! So Isa tinksa dat the real estasa peoples weresa hired by Obi-Wank Kenobi to hurtsa mesa!Andsa Obi-Wan Kenobi tinksa dat disa funny. Hmph. Funnysa? No no. Chlorine part of da force mesa thinksa! He usa de forcey, to hurt mesa eyes andsa to turn dem red! Hesa evil!